TongaTapu



Arriving in Nuku Alofa by Ferry.




The Port.


Nuku Alofa Seafront.


Downtown.


The giant "Rain tree" (Monkey pod tree), downtown.


Some kine religious procession in front of
the famous "Friend's cafe", which is frequented by Gringos mainly.


Same street; the main strip.










BELOW ARE PHOTOS FROM AROUND THE ISLAND



TongaTapu could probably compete with Nauru, Guam, or Easter Island,
for the "Ugliest and least interesting Pacific Island" prize.
Not a nice thing to say, but unfortunately, 'tis the cold, hard, naked TRUTH !


TongaTapu is a pancake, with some Coconut and Cassava plantations.
There is NO interesting plant life or scenery around....


...with the mind boggling exception of this bizarre Coconut palm
that has decided to ignore it's own DNA !!!


On an Island tour, courtesy of Tony (in the mirror).




That's about as interesting as it gets....sorry.


A Mormon (moron?) church, and the entrance to the King's mansion.






A Tui burying mound/pyramid.
The ancient Tui were half human, half gods.




The Maui Trilithon.


A beach on one side of the Island and the breaking wave lookout
(forgot what it's called) on the other side.


TongaTapu can have some good waves occasionally.
I got this photo from a friend who was out with some Brazilian surfers.
Not bad......not bad at all.


Another OK stop on the Island tour.
A run down kine resort, with nice Ocean scenery.






Here's yet another stop at...


"The Arch"


Tony's guest house.




Kava night at Tony's.




Students coming home from School.




Brando shopping for trinkets with his girlfriends.








Corned Beef, the main local food ingredient =
Tonga is a HARSH culinary experience.


OK let's go ! To Fiji !





Below, please find scribbles of an enlightened man's first impressions of Tongan culture.


The Scoop: Tonga seems to be a country of heavy peer pressure and indoctrination, where individuals have little choice but to CONFORM.
You'll be arrested if you speak un-kind words or insults about the nobles, or the King. The whole thing kind of smacks of totalitarian dictatorship.
Not withstanding the heavy rioting that occurred a few years ago, this totalitarian dictatorship is a sheep in wolf's clothing, goofy rather than sinister,
but it IS an extremely conservative country. It is illegal to be seen in public without a shirt on, and swim wear on the beach is out of the question, of course.
Tongans, like most Asians, swim in their street clothes, shocking but true; 'tis one of the fascinating and bewildering cultural experiences the unsuspecting
western traveller will encounter whilst backpacking in the Orient. I'm now having fascinating visions in my minds eye of a lost Tongan ending up on a
nudist beach while on holiday in a more normal part of the World, and the complete mental meltdown that inevitably would follow....hehehe, Culture...Clash !

No school exists in T that doesn't have intricate very "dressy" uniforms to identify it's alumni. All schools belong to a dozen or so flavors of
Christianity that are in charge of brainwashing the Nation's children to conform to the religious delirium that is gripping the Nation.
Most Tongan homes seem to have at least half a dozen portraits of a very gay hippie looking Jesus, sporting golden combed hair, with aura.
They REALLY, really, like this guy, almost as much as they like Pigs ! This is very strange indeed, because being gay is also illegal in Tonga.
Their fanatic devotion to Christianity started a century or so ago and put an end to the Tongans' cannibalistic ways,
and has seemingly substituted strong tribalism with the above mentioned many denominations of Christianity
that now compete for souls. Tribalism itself, of course, is mankind's common, ancient, fear based mentality which
has a predisposition to murder and overall genocidal tendencies that inspire the tribe to wipe out "the others",
perfectly embodied in modern sports !
It is indeed VERY hard to exorcise tribalism from the human psyche !

The only good thing with this Jesus-tribalism is that it might keep the crime rate down somewhat if they really think that a god is watching, although this theory is
quite flawed, as all one has to do after a Week of robbing, raping, and stealing, is go to Church on Sunday and beg for forgiveness (which is inevitably given as there
is nobody on the other end to say "No!"). This dynamic is all too evident in Jesus-freak laden latin America... ultraviolent indeed.
Christianity is now the only religion allowed by law and, I believe, is written into the constitution. It is illegal to work on Sundays, Hallelujah !
Sunday is when everyone is in Church and the air is filled with fabulous singing emanating from the hundreds of churches around the tiny Jesus obsessed Nation
(about one church per block ! Scaaary ! Even creepier than latin America !).
This theocracy is about as hardcore as it gets anywhere outside the Muslim world, a kind of Christian version of Saudi Arabia, with State mandated religion.
This institutionalized superstition amounts to little more than government sanctioned child abuse, in regards to the schools, and this medieval mindset will obviously
be a major obstacle to realizing Tonga's aspirations to become a modern, advanced Nation. The Kingdom of Tonga is a fabulously beautiful country, with friendly hospitable
people who are proud to never have been officially "colonized" by a Western Nation, BUT ironically it has been steamrolled by white man's religion and white man's bureaucracy.
The whole system of government is a banana republic carbon copy of Great Britain, with Lords n all. The king was even called King George and the nation has adopted English law
overseen by English judges. This is a nation where the nobles still rule the land with the King, but one cannot escape the goofiness factor no matter how much one tries,
especially when witnessing a traditional dance performed for the King's birthday, by his Majesty himself and the Princess, in front of gifts brought to him by his subjects:
a handsome collection of cans of CORNED BEEF !? (the national dish). Tonga is only outdone in the crackpot category by its neighbor Vanuatu with its cargo cults that worship
some WW2 soldier called John Frum, who brought them "cargo"; a character whom no sober man has ever seen and who may or may not have existed (kinda like his colleague Jesus).
I'm not sure if fanatically worshipping J.C. (& Cans of corned beef) is any less goofy, you decide. I guess they're still Can-ibals....hehehe, and...of course Christians pretending
to eat JC's flesh and drink his blood during the eucarist, while extolling the virtues of pain & suffering, like some sadomasochistic death Cult, is of course, a mere coincidence...?
hehe...You don't think so ? Me neither; the fanatical devotion to Sundays is just toooo big a coincidence my frieeend. No wonder they love J.C.!

Now you ask yourself the million $$$ question; Can you invest and live in such a place ? Ignore, and try to avoid, the inquisition...?
probably not, despite the fantastic Ocean environment and friendly people (and Corned Beef). Although conservative, Fiji seems a better bet, apparently on the path to distancing
itself from corruption and "the old boys network", as well as from religious influence in politics (separation of Church and State), and become a modern, advanced, tolerant Nation.
Fiji has the same fabulous Ocean environment, with even more places to go (at sea and on land), and, possibly?, has less "weird shit" going on as well as having even friendlier people
who, I'm told, speak even better English than Tongans. Fiji is also larger and more cosmopolitan, and is easily accessible (non-stop flight) from Asia or N America.
It is also possible to invest in freehold land in Fiji ! Halleeluuujah ! Heading over to check it out right now (2010)!
I suspect I will swap ALOOOHAA for NI SA BULA ! instead of MALO E LELEI. Pacific man I am.


...and below, some philosophical reflections, inspired by the intense Tongan Jesus experience.
Having to politely decline invitations to come to Church a dozen times over the course of a month
does get the old "thinkolator" going - hence the following in-depth plunge into the
profound realms of theology, and its consequences on the real World.
This discourse was held under the green Coconut tree, on the white sand beach, by
the deep blue Sea, by the luminary Bhagwan Shree Rickard, as part of the famous
coconut Sutras, of the "get-a-grip-on-reality", Carvaka, school of thought. Enjoy.





Dear Tonga, it's all good and well to do away with eating your enemies, but it is not constructive to flip
your wig and go off the deep end into delusional denialism of the real world instead. My own Viking heritage
is also riddled with politically incorrect stories about going "clubbing" over to "the Isles" (Britain), "clubbing"
having a slightly different meaning than today, referring to clubbing christian monks to death as if they were baby
seals. We (Scandinavians) though, have avoided erring too far the other way in order to compensate for past
ills and becoming countries ruled by insane creationist cults or deranged denialists (like the Americas)
or psychotic perverts (like the middle East). These cultures all live on their own twisted plain
of reality, far from mother Earth, and should NOT be emulated !

Northern Europe is today the most prosperous corner of the world, with the highest standard of living, mainly
because it is ruled by reason as opposed to religion (which corrupts the mind and all subsequent actions,
akin to a computer virus infecting an operating system, or more like malware, actually.)
It is also the most politically correct, philanthropic, and altruistic region of the world,
most likely thanks to being mainly atheist instead of theist (tribalist). Something to keep in mind.

Believing in gods, trolls, fairies, popes and Jesuses has never lifted any Nation out of the stagnation and
misery of the dark Ages, but has instead prolonged the suffering and perpetuated the ignorance for centuries.
We have only in recent centuries emerged from the inky blackness of a thousand years of insane superstitions
and delusional theologies with the help of science. It is no small coincidence that the 1000 years of darkness
in Europe began when the bible was written and basically lasted until the renaissance when science again showed
that there was light at the end of the divine tunnel of ignorance. As the oppressive, malevolent monster it is,
the Church, of course, desperately clung to power for yet a few more centuries, murdering, torturing, and burning
alive, anyone who dared shine a light on their idolization of ignorance, and cult of self-serving superstitions.
Thank god the Church has finally become irrelevant in Europe. It unfortunately still lingers in more primitive
parts of the World, exploiting the ignorant, robbing the poor, and doing their evil best to return us to the
good ol days of the Church's monopoly on souls.

It is probably too much to ask to exorcise this primordial ooze from the annals of humanity
in just a few generations, or is it? Tonga was brainwashed and flipped its wig in just one generation ! maybe all hope
is not lost, but I suspect that primordial ignorance is too entrenched and has too much cultural and political inertia to
leave without a fight, as superstitious delusions simply provide any culture too much immovable security and comfort.
Most will not swap comfy fantasy for painful reality, and reason, overnight. Oh, the sticky comfort of evil things...
Religions are kind of like that semi-fresh dog turd one steps in from time to time; you can scrape most of the shit off,
but it still stinks, for days; it has permiated every crack'n cranny of the texture of that poor shoe sole (culture).
What's needed now is "Mr Clean" and a brillo pad: science is the soap, after that we need time, and patience.....and faith,
in that anti-bacterial soap (science) to eventually work its magic.



Science has already replaced the complete ignorance of truth that reigned supreme during the infancy of our species with
basic knowledge of our world. We now know why it rains, we know what the Sun is, we know what causes diseases etc...etc.
As science patiently fills in the gaps of ignorance and explains our incredible world bit by bit, god is often referred to
as "the god of the gaps". As time goes on the "gods of the gaps" are becoming more and more uncomfortable in their ever
shrinking crevasses of ignorance. The fact remains that 99% of all gods throughout history have died. I do look forward
to the day when the god of Abraham eventually follows Zeus and Thor into oblivion. This day will come because
the gaps wherein the gods can dwell will continue to get ever smaller, like "the incredible shrinking man",
until the glorious day eventually comes when all the sky-gods, and their avatars, will perish.
The religions of today always become the myths of tomorrow.

So for now I guess we have to accept that in the
West God will continue to be a box of chocolates, i.e. comfort food for the feeble minded masses, a box in
which to bury their ignorance so that they can continue to cling to their childish delusions, like rats lost at sea
cling to any piece of debris, scared to death of letting go and drowning in a sea of reality. In the middle-east
(middle earth?) and the Latin world, god will continue to be the greatest tool ever to objectify women and turn them
into slaves. In the far-east god will continue to be strangely and refreshingly ambiguous, and in Tonga god will go on
being almost cartoonish, like in the U.S. bible belt, which is mostly populated by god fearing republican redneck
fuckwits who watch televangelists and infomercials on TV with a blank stare and mouth half open, in the trailer park,
with the 12 gauge in their lap and their imaginary friend in the sky whispering sweet nothings in their ear, while
paranoid thoughts of the evil monster of reason, threatening to poke a hole in their comfortable bubble of make believe,
and them having to face reality as well as their own ignorance, are swirling around their halfwit Billy-Bob brains.

Now, let's remind ourselves that beyond "traditions" and cultural indoctrination, the only thing
that's required to believe in god today is : 1 pea sized brain, 6 scoops of wishful thinking, 8 heaping
tbsp of fairy dust, and 666 truckloads of faith...and...Voila ! There He IS ! peeking out from behind the clouds,
judging Our every move. HALLELUJAH ! Unfortunately, even if you spout lies long enough, often enough,
and with enough personal conviction, it does NOT make them true...sorry Billy-Bob.

This SHOULD be painfully obvious to anyone but it ain't. Despite no prayer ever having been answered, ever, in ANY
religion, anywhere in the world, since the beginning of time, boneheaded idiots are still banging their heads against
the wall (literally in Jerusalem) spewing stupid age old platitudes about god working in mysterious ways..... One genocide
after another ! The malevolence of "god" is also beyond any doubt as he (it) murders children by the millions using disease
as well as humans to do these dirty deeds in his name, but the impotence of god must also be considered as he has never, in
the history of mankind, healed an amputee? Why is that ? Why does God never heal amputees? After all, he heals everybody else,
right? People with cancer, heart disease, brain disease(hehe), all those millions of people aren't praying in vain, are they ?
So what have amputees done to be so strategically excluded ? Are they all bad people ? Sinners ? No exceptions ? Why don't they
deserve a fix ? ....Poor sods, not even that guy who lost his pinky in an accident while building a church for the poor heathen
savages in that pagan third world jungle ?! Or, could it be that nobody in the entire history of the World has ever had a prayer
heard, answered, nor anything healed, except imaginary fixes from an imaginary god. No of course not, that could definitely NOT
be the truth, and don't try to tell me that Santa isn't real either ! Could it be for the same reason that Bigfoot, mermaids,
and flying saucers have never been found, even though they are plentiful according to some; or for the same reason that ETs
have never been brought in to the Lab for verification even though they visit some people on a weekly basis, apparently,
as does God, of course, and Elvis. May I venture a preposterous theory and suggest that none of the above actually exist
in the real World ? No ? Probably not eh.... that would shock and dismay half of the World's population, so OK, I agree
with the moron majority — god is definitely as real as are fairies, astrology, and Sasquatch. The reason He has never
healed an amputee is not because He is malevolent or impotent, or doesn't exist, but because He prefers to impose his
powers in mysterious ways (except when killing) that can never be verified, just as He himself can never be.
As a great man once said, "that is how you play tennis without a net, folks."

I do realize that when less robust minds find themselves haplessly peering into the abyss of eternal oblivion, it frightens
them to the degree that they become intellectually paralyzed and seek solace in comforting fairy-like fantasies of an
afterlife, where old friends, family and favorite God (or 72 virgins) are waiting to welcome them to the eternal after
party in the sky. Any compassionate person trying to shine a light on their wistful delusion of course is going to hell instead.
On the other hand, the theist's comfortable platitudes are easily understood by even the most feeble minds. The problem, of
course, is that these bizarre fantasies are untrue, and when perpetuated since early childhood results in a delusional adult who
is addicted to a lie. As addicts, they become ferociously defensive of their insane world view and behave exactly like a heroin
addict whenever science, or common sense, shines the evil light of logic into the dark crevasses of their delusional mind. I have
personally seen the look of panic and desperation in the eyes of a drug addict when their drug is physically taken away from them,
and I can say a "believer" confronted with the threat of reality is a spitting image. That fear and bewilderment on their face.....
It must be a horrible feeling to sense that your temple of ignorance may come down like house of cards unless you keep re-affirming
your crazy lies with the fanatic fervor of a southern Baptist preacher, regardless of how ridiculous you will look (except to your
co-addicts) in the face of overwhelming facts not in your favor.

Wherever I am in the World I am always fascinated by the smallness of people's minds and how astonishingly universal
that smallness is. I encounter the same diabolically ignorant peanut-brains living on a diet of pixiedust and jellybeans
from the depths of the Amazon to first World suburbia. I am convinced that for as long as religions dominate the World
we'll be riding around the Universe on this cosmic hearse called Planet Earth with no happy ending in sight...

So how do we get rid of these debased junkies who are fucking up the World ? How do we turn a World of Jellyfish
into a world of higher level creatures ? How do we get rid of hordes of crazy people with lame excuses for bad behavior?
Through the free, ubiquitous, worldwide distribution of IQ enhancing pills, disguised as chocolates?
I dunno....It IS a...conundrum...

Santa: drilling down through all imaginary beings that Man has created in his image, the sky-fairy (god) is nothing more than an
adult(x-rated) version of Santa Clause, fulfilling all the same hopes and dreams as the kid's version, albeit in a more sadistic
fashion in order to keep the adults entertained. Santa Claus must be a popular god in Vanuatu with the cargo cults and I can
imagine him being in the Hindu pantheon as well, he deserves it, loved by all. I cannot in fact imagine a more cherished god
in all of theology(not even Vishnu), he's my favorite for sure! And surely second in line in Vanuatu, after Johnny. The ragged
US flags that the cargo cults hoist up the pole in Vanuatu, to beckon Johnny to return, are in fact red, and....yes, white!

The apologist: To those enablers of insanity who consider religion a benign, personal thing that makes people 'happy', "...good for them",
"...for each his own" etc. etc., I am afraid they have completely lost the plot. It may indeed be more or less benign in the
case of many god fearing folk who do not take the scriptures seriously and do not interfere in scientific progress, and do not
brainwash anyone's children but their own (arguably not quite benign either to the unfortunate kids born into such circumstance where
they are certain to be led astray, of no fault of their own, to hopefully recover only later in life). In those cases the sky-fairy
simply fulfills the role that Santa Claus does for children, as mentioned above: a benign fantasy. BUT, it is far from benign when
people take the scriptures seriously. It stifles scientific progress, it interferes in politics and strives to downgrade education
into a creationist, dogmatic farce, and kills millions in sub-Saharan Africa by discouraging condom use, among the believers, in
aids-ridden regions — the list is endless... When the scriptures are taken literally it is especially un-benign to the believer
who blows himself up on a bus, in the mistaken belief that 72 virgins, and a grateful god, are waiting for him in the afterlife.
It is especially not benign for all the moms & kids on that bus who were blown to smithereens either. He blows himself up for...nothing,
for nothing but some insane superstitions from the dark ages, that—benignly—inspired him to murder, in a bout of religious hysteria.
Religion is NOT benign, as its 'raison d'être', mostly, is to make humans behave like deranged stone age trolls, from the fever swamps.

The agnostic: To the "smart" believer who insists that the Universe could not be what it is without divine interference,
once I manage to stop chuckling, I try to set straight their complete misunderstanding of how their world came to be.
The perfect symmetry, and total absence of red herrings, is a textbook example of "evolution in action", in fact the "perfection"
of the universe could ONLY exist if it happened bit-by-bit, second by second, every step being predicated on the preceding one,
that is the essence of natural evolution, no gods required. Had "god" been involved in creating it, the Universe would certainly
be as incoherent a mess as are all the books written by god (bible,coran etc). It would lack ANY and ALL resemblance to perfection.
The believer also gets the moral question back to front and inside out, believing that the gods gave us the instruction book of
right and wrong. We of course gave god our set of morals when we created god in our image. That of course explains the stone age
depravity found in the religious texts of the middle east. To our great fortune the morals contained within these holy texts are
not those of an almighty, omnipresent, all-knowing creator, but merely our own barbaric, Neolithic codes of conduct. If they actually
were those of an almighty god, and if what's in those texts would be true, the efforts of god so far would, as Sam Harris eloquently
put it, "embarrass even the most ambitious psychopath on Earth". Even the most basic thought experiment will show what a turd of a
theory the theist's most central argument is. Exactly what mysterious "non space-time" did god exist in before he created our
Universe in the big bang? And explain why such a supreme being who can exist before the time of creation, and goes on to design a
perfect Universe, then writes a few depraved books for an irrelevant species of creature, in an irrelevant corner of the Universe.
He(it) then becomes obsessed with what that irrelevant creature does in bed, and with mutilating the genitals of defenseless
children (male & female circumcision) !? Even the "intelligent" agnostic will eventually imply that this irrelevant species is
indeed the center of the Universe and is the main concern of our benevolent all-knowing creator.
The believer talks of humility but displays an almost pathologically arrogant self-importance, by no coincidence
mirroring the autocratic supremacy of the "god" that he has created in his image.

God evolved from the same source material as fairies, demons and trolls, having taken the same causal,
almost inevitable, path through human history, across the fertile plains of vivid human imagination, into
the realm of myths & traditions, until being hijacked by the political elite for the purpose of mind control,
wherein they re-created god in their image. This is as true of the virgin murdering, bloodbath addicted Aztecs,
as it is of the "modern" Christian or Moslem. They are all victims of these obviously self-serving mythologies
that must have existed for about 500.000 years or so. Unfortunately this archaic creature is still rampaging
through the human psyche, wreaking havoc and mayhem around the planet. Systemic religious barbarism being
the most in-your-face "F.G.M."- obvious today in the grotesque "religion of peace" (chuckle chuckle) - Islam.
In fact, in Arabia they probably don't say "meet my wife" but, "meet my slave/pet goat",
and of course, DONT shake her hand ! (she's just a woman !), because that would kindle
feelings, in the good moslem man, similar to: "DON'T touch my goat !"
One concerned mullah has insisted that the eminent shree Bhagwan is just a lost soul who doesn't understand
that the most appropriate person for god to present himself to was a brutal mass murdering (undefeated in battle),
illiterate, pedophile warlord ("married" a 6 yr old, consummated at 9) in the medieval Arabian desert.
The Bhagwan did admit that "...it's logical, I guess... as the infallible coran (and bible) perfectly
reflect these primitive origins of god, and the modern terrorist follows these texts to the letter,
raping kids, murdering innocents, oppressing half the population (women), and seeks to enslave the
rest (the infidels, i.e. the rest of the world), inshallah! There is no need for controversy.

Bhagwan Shree Rickard is a benevolent man who would not hesitate to whisk a poor soul who had sprained their ankle
and fallen onto the train tracks, from the path of an oncoming train a mere moment before impact, at great risk to his
own wellbeing. Therefore, if holding this discourse under the coconut tree, in the south pacific bible belt, can save
even one poor soul from wasting their life in the quagmire of mental oblivion, popularly referred to as the 'God delusion',
it will have been worth the exercise. After all, this malicious lie called "faith" spreads like a virus in a hospital,
or more appropriately, like 'the clap' in a whorehouse, among its poor, ignorant victims. As the south Pacific peoples
are now a pacified, peaceful lot, who loveth their enemy, the shree bhagwan should be able to get through this humble
discourse with less danger than whisking someone off the train tracks. After all, he is not drawing cartoons !
He is simply unaware of the glory of God. Pray for him.

So, to finally put all sectarian violence behind us, we must all hold hands and concede that ALL religions are indeed the same,
as a Baha'ian might put it, they all come from the same (un)divine source; they all have One thing in common — see below.
NO MORE of this "my imaginary friend is better than yours" nonsense ! OK!



The only comment the Bhagwan has to that is :


The more primitive a country or area is, the more religious it will inevitably be. I posit that for every 1 point
drop in an area's collective IQ, there is likely a corresponding 1% rise, in the population, of religious drones.
Just take a good look at illiterate Afghanistan ! The Taliban ! Holy Shit ! A near perfect Stone Age relic !
(or more like the Stone Age gone terribly awry); possibly even scarier than the Black Magic, human sacrifice
insanity of Africa, another inspiring example, among sooo many others. Come ooooon...Tonga, don't be next !
If you're gonna be somebody's bitch, and adopt a mythology from the other side of the Planet, you might
as well go with Greek mythology, Hindu mythology, or good ol Nordic mythology, they are all far more
entertaining than Bible mythology.



It's high time to take a good sober look at that book (the Bible) and see it for what it is: a barbaric and
offensive work of Stone Age horror fiction that is so bad it wouldn't even be accepted as a script for a 3rd rate
Hollywood horror flick ! Although....it just might make it as a cult classic, in some underground circles,
but disguise it as a religion and it will spread like a virus around the world. Truly macaaabre !

Now the Christian World is anxiously waiting for the sequel about the zombie-god, Jesus, who rises from the dead,
to one day return to torment the living and surely write another book about it, this time likely making the New York
best seller list in the fiction category (as it is sure to be as fanciful and violent as the first edition),
or maybe it will be sci-fi, as he's been traveling around the Universe for a couple thousand years and surely has
a lot of riveting tales to tell about all the would-be civilizations that he has saved during his absence from planet Earth.
I would be especially interested in hearing how many times he popped out of an egg vs. how many times he had to put up
with being incubated by mammal-like creatures for unbearable amounts of time. The miracle birth must be coolest part
of setting the wayward cultures of the Universe straight. "Voila ! here's Jeesus, here to save ya !", or some other
Jack-in-the-box like antics could be incorporated for greater messiah-like effect, maybe with a French accent.....
I sure do look forward to a Jack Nicholson-like "I'm baaack!" upon his return to Earth, which surely is imminent,
judging by all the highway signs around the bible belt, or maybe I'm misinterpreting the "Jesus is coming" signs,
maybe they are just referring to some local politician's sexual prowess ?...Maybe it's e(r)lection time ?

Or might it finally be time to accept that Jesus is almost certainly a fictional character in the final collection
of epilogues (the gospels) to a jumbled myriad of texts concerning ancient political propaganda and Stone Age depravity.
Even if Jesus actually existed, he was nothing more than a mere mortal Jewish dreamer who really wanted to be the great
hero King of the old testament prophecy, the messiah, who would lead his people back to the utopia of Zion.
He then took to the pre-historical version of Hyde park's speaker's corner soap box to convince his fellow Jews that
he was "the chosen one". Later, the writers of the gospels ran with that, threw in some Delphian sounding
utterances, plus more than a few fanciful fabrications, and made his dreams come true....posthumously.
That's how history is made. That's how religions are created. That's how suckers are duped. Though not
the Jews themselves...(The Jews, being an intelligent people, could spot a charlatan when they saw one.)

Hmmm...If we are ever invaded by evil minded aliens hell-bent on Earth domination as in the movie "Mars attacks", I think
a better way of defeating them than the solution in the movie (which was pretty good also) would be if they, instead of
saying "take me to your leader", were to say "show me your religion". We would show them Christianity and Islam and they
would all die of laughter rolling on the ground chipping for air (or whatever gas they breathe), slowly asphyxiating
to death, maybe their brains would even explode like in the movie !? We might just get the bastards in one fell swoop !

And Now, for my pièce de résistance, I am going to let you in on a dirty little secret about why we Europeans invented Christianity,
wrote the Bible, and then sent crusaders and missionaries around the world to brainwash everybody into thinking that the Bible
is some kind of benevolent documentary. It was all part of a cunning and most sinister plan of colonization (still ongoing).
We figured, why just invade, control, and strip harvest a 3rd world country physically, when we can hijack their hearts and minds.
By colonizing their brains we can control them forever ! All around the Pacific Islands this strategy worked like a charm,
the natives swallowed our ridiculous Medieval fairy tale, hook, line, and sinker. Now there's a church in every village, no exceptions !
Complete colonization has now been achieved, mission accomplished !

In fact this "For your eyes only" secret letter from a King to his culture assassin agents (missionaries), written a few
centuries ago, found in a dusty attic in Cambridgeshire, in the autumn of 1968, does shed some light on the matter:

"...and Your mission is to spearhead the invasion by dropping in behind enemy lines and brainwash the primitive savages into feeling
culturally inadequate, religiously inferior, and linguistically stupid. Your mission is to wipe out their religion, replace it with ours;
introduce our language and make them copy our legal system; make them imitate our culture and monarchy no matter how silly and out of place
it may seem; monkey see monkey doo, they ARE primitive savages and will comply once you introduce the above mentioned inferiority complex.
My army will show them our guns, you will show them the bible, and the path will open to achieve complete colonization of their minds
and lands, and we can then proceed to strip harvest their resources. Kill those who resist (secretly, use disease), and remember,
always pretend to be nice; give the children sweets and give the adults the bible; infiltrate, indoctrinate; exaggerate the
primitiveness of their culture and the superiority of ours, and your mission will be achieved in a matter of decades,
with as little bloodshed as possible (musket bullets are expensive !). Start in Africa and work your way east.
Godspeed to you, my loyal missionary foot soldiers; and now, GET CRACKING !
Burn this letter once you have memorized it ! God save the King !"

The rest, as we know, is History.

It is indeed sad to see most of the great seafaring cultures of the Pacific having fallen prey to nefarious
white men armed with a book peddling depravity, turpitude, and violent Bronze Age political propaganda (condoning
slavery & genocide, among many other unsavory things) from the other side of the planet, and - Oh so humiliatingly for you,
succeeding in turning this gay hippie-looking white boy, with aura, into Your One and Only god and savior ! How embarrassing !
Where have all the heroes gone ? The great Ocean voyagers ? Who were proud of their epic seafaring cultures.
Who were proud of their own identity ! You started off alright, killing and eating the invading perverts,
but then, you bend over, and are brainwashed — VOLUNTARILY !?...hang.your.heads.in.SHAAME ! :-(
Take some pride in your own heritage ! because it is Great ! Say good riddance to the dogma of the
chauvinistic culture-assassins who came to your lands to rob you of your sOOuls, as they haveth done all over the World !
To truly rid yourself of the Colonials' nefarious reign, you must not embrace but rid yourselves of their upon you imposed alien religion.
This does NOT mean regressing to your version of barbarism (cannibalism), it means waking up, it means embracing the universal moral
values of the modern secular World (sans theological bullshit), it means joining the brotherhood of enlightened Nations.
Free your minds ! End the slavery ! Take your heads out of the sand ! Open your eyes ! Learn ! Progress ! Amen !